Let me preface my lamenting by saying the second book in the series was better than the first. Perhaps it's because I've gotten over my initial skepticism, but I enjoyed it more overall. Stalkers and guns and cougars oh my.
Starting with the title - Fifty Shades Darker. Ominous. Bonus points. Clearly darker doesn't always mean better, but James made a valiant attempt to provide a couple plot points that didn't make me want to hang myself in the red room. Much less "he's playing with my emotions" and much more "he's playing with my tits". Of which I highly approve.
Secondly, I was pleasantly surprised when E L James threw in a couple words that were above a grade 6 reading level. Inveigle and avuncular? Great words. Still doesn't make up for the others, such as "fuckery" and "nifty", but it gets an A for effort nevertheless.
Another admirable detail (listen to me going on! I'm going to give off the impression I'm a fan of the series if I'm not careful) was E L James' careful consideration to having Christian take off his socks before each rondevue. In high school, a friend of mine dated a guy, let's call him Chris Smith, who always kept his socks on during the act (and all acts leading up to the act). We fondly called him "only socks Smith". Only socks Grey just doesn't have the same ring to it, so I applaud James' attention to detail.
Back to Business
I was snorting with laughter as I read the lipstick outlining scene. That mental image of Christian Grey marked up like a cow at the butcher just reminded me entirely too much of plastic surgery consults which is quite possibly the least erotic process ever.
Hawt.
Let's just touch on the not-quite-a-pregnancy-scare. Ana is horrified by the mere suggestion that she might be pregnant (for a whole 1.5 minutes), but is then annoyed when Christian is freaked out by the prospect too...what? Talk about a double standard. This girl is the paradigm of bipolar. She's either got mental health issues, or is easily swayed in to changing herself for a dude. One minute she's breaking up with him over being spanked, the next she's begging for it. She doesn't want to be pregnant, but then gets her panties in a twist when her boyfriend doesn't want a kid either. She's mad at him, then gets turned on, then starts crying all in the span of a 3 minute shower. Figure your shit out Ana and talk to your doctor about Lithium.
Character "Development"
Since the first book, Christian has become a pussy. In Fifty Shades of Grey he was domineering, decisive and despotic. In Fifty Shades Darker he's become petulant, pitiful and poignant. Ugh. So much for my lady boner. Sure the puppy dog man seems adorable on the surface, but it's hard to remember that initial attraction once his droning whine has become a permanent fixture and he's piddled on your new carpet. We've all had shit in our past Christian. Stop it.
Christian's food fascination also develops in the second book. I understand that he was malnourished as a kid (probably should be thanking his past for the chiseled physique we read about today), but it's beyond the boarder of obsessive. Maybe the fourth book, Fifty Flavours of Grey, will be about splooshing. Now that I'd read. (If you don't know what splooshing is, go look it up and have a good laugh)
The second book of the series has made me confused which side I'm on. On one hand, Ana is insufferably emotional, but can be reasonable (for example, needing to work and not ride on Christian...'s money). On the other hand, Christian's ludicrous expectations & possessiveness is infuriating to even the reader, but he's rich and hot. See my predicament? Maybe I'll be on team Taylor. He seems like a reasonable and upstanding man on a nice payroll.
We finally get a look into Grey's history (as if you couldn't predict it already) when he spits out this gem:
Homework
Here's some things to think about boys and girls:
1. Is anyone else curious as to what Anastasia's bi-polar "inner goddess" looks like? She has to have a physical form if she can "jerk awake suddenly, all disheveled with a just fucked look". And on that note, who's fucking her?
2. Ana is remarkably okay after having a gun pointed at her and a potential rape take place within a 24 hour period...shouldn't she be more shaken? And by shaken, I mean shouldn't she be crying in the fetal position in the shower corner, surrounded by empty Ben & Jerry's containers and not getting bound and banged by her sadist boyfriend?
3. Ana's rapey boss' name is Jack Hyde. A man who's friendly one minute and angry the next named Jack Hyde. Real original James. Robert Louis Stevenson isn't just rolling in his grave, he's violently convulsing.
4. How did the crazy ex get a gun licence in a day? I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure a dirty hoe with crazy eyes can't just grab one at the checkout counter with her gum.
5. The dating circles are so tightly knit it's almost incest. Grey & Ana are dating. Ana's roommate is dating Grey's brother. Ana's roommate's brother is dating Grey's sister. Do you think at family dinners they just look at each other and cringe across the table thinking "I've heard what you sound like during your vinegar strokes"?
I'm feeling generous, so I'll give Fifty Shades Darker two ball gags out of five. Not based on literary merit, just on comparison basis with Fifty Shades of Grey. But as far as shit literature goes, it'll do pig, it'll do.
We finally get a look into Grey's history (as if you couldn't predict it already) when he spits out this gem:
"I'm a sadist, Ana. I like to whip little brown-haired girls like you because you all look like the crack whore - my birth mother."
Jesus Christ girl, T Swift is right. This is way scarier than the slag with the gun. RUN. RUN FAST AND RUN FAR. Christian makes Oedipus look look like a misguided teenager with this one. As if the chest full of butt plugs didn't scream "emotionally unstable" on it's own. Let's break this down. Sadist - A person who enjoys being cruel. Whip - A tool used for corporal punishment or to train animals. Crack whore - Not an appropriate name to call your mother, even if she was a lady of the night who used drugs on a recreational basis. There should have been an Ana shaped hole in his wall before this sentence was even finished being uttered.
Here's some things to think about boys and girls:
1. Is anyone else curious as to what Anastasia's bi-polar "inner goddess" looks like? She has to have a physical form if she can "jerk awake suddenly, all disheveled with a just fucked look". And on that note, who's fucking her?
2. Ana is remarkably okay after having a gun pointed at her and a potential rape take place within a 24 hour period...shouldn't she be more shaken? And by shaken, I mean shouldn't she be crying in the fetal position in the shower corner, surrounded by empty Ben & Jerry's containers and not getting bound and banged by her sadist boyfriend?
3. Ana's rapey boss' name is Jack Hyde. A man who's friendly one minute and angry the next named Jack Hyde. Real original James. Robert Louis Stevenson isn't just rolling in his grave, he's violently convulsing.
4. How did the crazy ex get a gun licence in a day? I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure a dirty hoe with crazy eyes can't just grab one at the checkout counter with her gum.
5. The dating circles are so tightly knit it's almost incest. Grey & Ana are dating. Ana's roommate is dating Grey's brother. Ana's roommate's brother is dating Grey's sister. Do you think at family dinners they just look at each other and cringe across the table thinking "I've heard what you sound like during your vinegar strokes"?
I'm feeling generous, so I'll give Fifty Shades Darker two ball gags out of five. Not based on literary merit, just on comparison basis with Fifty Shades of Grey. But as far as shit literature goes, it'll do pig, it'll do.
