Lolita - Nymphet or Nympho?

May 7, 2013

After the brain numbing experience that was 50 Shades of Grey, I needed to partake in some actual literature before delving in to the second part of the trilogy. I chose to stick with the theme and take a stab at a book that's been on my list for years - Lolita by Vladimir Nabukov.

The differences between James and Nabukov was astounding  and almost comical. When describing the throws of passion,  James depicted the alluring act:

"“Oh Ana!" he cries out loudly as he finds his release, holding me in place as he pours himself into me. He collapses, panting hard beside me, and he pulls me on top of him and buries his face in my hair, hold me close. "Oh baby," he breathes. "

and Nabukov wrote:

"...we would sprawl all morning, in a petrified paroxysm of desire, and take advantage of every blessed quirk in space and time to touch each other: her hand, half-hidden in the sand, would creep toward me, its slender brown fingers sleepwalking nearer and nearer; then, her opalescent knee would start on a long cautious journey; sometimes a chance rampart built by younger children granted us sufficient concealment to graze each other's salty lips; these incomplete contacts drove our healthy and inexperienced young bodies to such a state of exasperation that not even the cold blue water, under which we still clawed at each other, could bring relief."

FOR REAL. What a difference! I know that comparing wanna be BDSM fiction from 2011 with classic Russian literature from 1955 is like comparing Rebecca Black with Mozart but I'm going to anyways. So you need to deal with it.

Nabukov plunges head first into Humbert's pedopheliac tendencies, but he describes them in such a lovely way that it took me a few paragraphs to be disgusted: 

"Now I wish to introduce the following idea. Between the age limits of nine and fourteen there occur maidens who, to certain bewitched travelers, twice or many times older than they, reveal their true nature which is not to designate as "nymphets." Human, but nymphic (that is, demoniac); and these chosen creatures I propose."

Now how nice is that. If I was a kid about to be hit on by an old Russian man, I would totally want to be called a nymphet. Then I could wear sparkles and wings and not be a weirdo (or a stripper).

Weirdo or stripper? You decide.

Another reason I was okay with the strongly creepy verbiage of Lolita is that it's very self aware. Humbert fully admits that he's a creepshow and is slightly ashamed, but also concedes that it is what it is. Here we are again at "whatever floats your boat". It's almost lyrical how Nabukov describes our protagonists's book covering his raging boner while watching little girls play in the park or jacking off while watching a tween girl undress in her room across the street. Ahh the fancy-free days of yore.

As Humbert and Lolita's consensual abduction relationship continues, we learn that Lolita is not the young, virtuous, care free young girl Humbert likes to think of her as. She's a gold digging attention whore that likes to play games. She feeds Humbert's severe delusions and twists him around in such a way that makes Taylor Swift look sane.

The only persnickety comments I had were very minimal:

• During our "hero's" short marriage, he neglects his marital duties, calling his wife "stale" (which is fair I suppose when you're used to pre-pubescents), but is still infuriated when he finds out she's been cheating on him. Good riddance to stale rubbish I say! Although I must admit I found it hilarious that his idea of revenge consisted of sleeping with the lover's little sister and then shooting himself.

• He accepts room and board at a complete dump of a house because Lolita is the land lady's daughter.  My face was creased in disgust just reading the description of the hair in the bathtub and the brown apple core in the living room - but it's tolerable for some puerile ass? No man (or child) in the world could make me live in a hoarder's closet like the one Nabukov describes. 

• The awkward scene when he licks her eye. What, the eff.  Mmmm eye goop...?

• Lolita's a brat. Straight up. Spoiled and frankly quite annoying. She's lucky Humbert's attracted to her. Otherwise he probably would've used the discipline side of his hand on her for snooping around in his shit never mind employing her very overactive sexuality at the ripe age of TWELVE. *coughslutcough*

• Delores, or Lolita, reminds Humbert of his first love as a kid. This begs the question - is he really and truly a human incarnation of the pedo bear, or is he just stuck on his first girlfriend?

• Humbert keeps a log of his interactions with Lolita (1:32pm - she just took off her bandaid. Note to self: retrieve from garbage to add to Lolita shrine) which is naturally found by his fiance/Lolita's mother/his landlady. WHY would you keep a journal like that? At least encrypt it in some sweet code or something. I feel as though if Humbert's smart enough to fake insomnia to get sleeping pills to drug his bride to be and daughter, he can do a better job of hiding his lewd chicken scratch. 

• There's too many coincidences: 
• His first wife is cheating on him. With who you may ask? Oh the cab driver that just randomly picked them up. Handy.
• He doesn't want to get married to Lolita's stalker land lady of a mother. No problem, she'll get hit by a car before the wedding.
• The play Lolita's in is called "The Enchanted Hunter". The name of the hotel Humbert first bangs Lolita in is called "Enchanted Hunters". Hmm.

Nabukov deals out some serious poetic justice when Humber finds a knocked up Lolita near the end of the book. The whole "child with child" imaginary is as macabre as the rest of the well composed novel. 

All in all, I give Lolita 5 pedo bears out of 5. It's extremely creepy, but in the most beautifully written way possible. And when it comes down to it, isn't beauty all that matters? Well, beauty and girls that are too young to run fast I've learned.